My 50th - an invitation to dream

INSPIRATION

My 50th – an invitation to dream

‘She decided to start living the life she imagined…’

‘Kobi Yamada’

Last night I lay in bed thinking, about my big birthday next year and what I want to do on the day. In my mind I have been planning a huge bash in Paris somewhere overlooking the Eiffel Tower. I have already started hinting to my friends and family that this would be tres magnifique and they should start saving for a European holiday.

Then my inner version of reality kicks in.

My little voice that tells me ‘don’t’ be ridiculous’ and nobody is going to come all the way to Paris for a birthday….no edit that, I mean for MY Birthday. It is a dream that is totally out of reach and I am not worthy of such a big dream. It will cost too much, we don’t have the money, we’ll have to travel, I’m not important….my dream will be a fizzer and everybody will know.

Don’t tell anyone, if nobody knows then my grand dream can’t fail, I can’t fail.

And I let myself think this way.

I crush my own dreams, like the dream of writing a book, of having a voice, of making a difference. I’ve been taking about this dream for almost ten years. Taking one step forward and then no further, then another step and stopping, no further…gathering information, keeping notes, subscribing to writing blogs and comparing my journal to the polished finished books written by my peers.

I’ve been Peer Gazing and crushing my own voice in the process.

So last night unable to sleep, gazing at the ancient beams overhead my thoughts shifted to my Brother, I was thinking that he only made it a few months past his fiftieth birthday.

That right now if I were him I would only have one year to live.

This exact time next year I would be in the garden finishing the weeding, packing away the lawnmower heading in for dinner, maybe whistling (I like to think of him whistling as he took those last steps).

I don’t know what dreams died unfulfilled with my brother that night, but I bet if he knew that he only had that one last year to live he would have whistled more often.

Dreams don’t need to be grand to live in our hearts, they just need to inspire us to be more than we are. My dream for our Italian life won’t happen by itself, being in Paris for my birthday won’t happen unless I decide it will, my first book will never be read unless I give up that little voice inside my head.

Last night I decided to dedicate this year to my brother, to make it the best year ever, to make my life sing…..or maybe whistle.

As this is going to be the year that sings out loud, dances in the street, and culminates in Paris I’d love you to come along. Sing your own song, create a dream so big you can’t help but dance with the excitement of it, and then share it…..start here, with me, let’s do it together.

Go ahead….dare to dream x

Save

and the gang x

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Anne says:
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Hello Lisa , a wonderful tribute to your brother , I lost a sister 7 years ago , very sad circumstances .. I love your dreams , I have a few and yes you are right , if you don’t put them out there , they are sure not to happen .. I need to put myself out there too or should I say my dreams.

I would be in Paris for your 50th birthday , I would help you celebrate , we would have a blast 🙂 I remember mine . I am a huge Formula 1 fan , and for my 50th birthday, my husband who works for Formula 1 and unfortunately was working , bought me a GRANDSTAND ticket for the whole weekend ,, I had friends there , but they were in the lower seats ( ha ha ) but at least I was able to see them and my husband… GO for it Lisa . xx
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Heather in Arles says:
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This also made me cry, Lisa…because it hit so close to home. I am completely guilty of the same. Thank you for your courage and honesty in sharing your thoughts and dreams. You give honor to your Brother by doing so.
Bisous,
Heather
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- Lisa Chiodo says:
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  Sharing from the heart has touched so may chords with people, once you loose someone close you have that link of understanding x
  I have a little of my brother’s ashes that I want to sprinkle at Monza…he was an avid F1 fan and he and his friends would go. We sprinkled his ashes at turn six on the Grand Prix circuit at Albert Park.
  sending love xx
  lisa
- Anne says:
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  Hello Lisa , I have been to Monza , not in season though , this is where my husband wants his ashes sprinkled ,, I think it is lovely that his ashes were sprinkled someone he loved … My father in laws ashes are still in the Shed/workshop , the family don’t really know where to put them , but this is the best place I think , he was always in workshops … I have lost someone close ,, xx
ros wilson says:
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most beautiful post Lisa touched so many chords with me , made me cry and gave me hope all at the same time you are a beautiful writer thank you for sharing xxx Ros
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- Lisa Chiodo says:
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  thank you so much Roz what a lovely thing to say! xxx
Catherine says:
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Dear Lisa,
Yes do it for your wonderful bro! And you know what? You are already doing it. I know there is always more that should be written, thought out, sent off, attended to, but you are on that path. Fifty, whether you celebrate in Paris or not, is going to be a blast!
Bon courage ma chère!
Xcat
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- Lisa Chiodo says:
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  It’s easy to forget just how much we have achieved and that yes we really are living our dream. It is now something for us to create, our life here in Italy is slowly taking shape and I love it x
  Bon Courage….I like that merci
  sending love xxx
jann says:
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Lisa, what a beautiful tribute to your brother! Silence those nagging voices in your head (“monkey mind” writing guru Natalie Goldberg calls it)–apparently all writers are similarly afflicted. xxxxxxx Onward to Paris!
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- Lisa Chiodo says:
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  Ah then that monkey mind must go! I’ll have a look at Natalie and see what she thinks about this monkey lol . Onward to Paris, sounds like a great motto for the year! xxx
Nina Hansen Machotka says:
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Dear, dear Lisa. Believe it or not, with these self-doubts, you’re building toward realizing your dreams (and you’ve accomplished so much already!). The other bloggers have posted my thoughts exactly…plant the seeds! Also, don’t worry about the state of your “book”–the notes, the journals, etc. My book started from old emails to friends describing our life here…you’ve got a beautiful blog (MUCH more polished than emails!) that’s been telling your story. What a wonderful jumping off point! And believe me, my book is far from polished…yes, it got more polished once my publisher said yes…but I still cringe at times when I re-read certain parts. What the heck. It’s out there, people like it, warts and all. And as I say in the chapter “A Dream in Ruins”, if you don’t go after your dreams, they end in ruins. Well…our dream and your dream of renovating STARTED in (the) ruins. No place to go but up, eh? xoxo, Nina.
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- Lisa Chiodo says:
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  Nina I have so many projects and posts I want to write, places to visit, things to do with the kids. and a husband to love….life is filled to the brim and overflowing! I’m so glad to hear that this is how your book started out, who would think it would end up being read by an Aussie in Malpertus!! Yes we started in the ruins, how perfectly put, and now we are building it stone by stone…. here’s to a life well lived xxx
Millie says:
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Dear Lisa
I am so sorry you lost your brother, what a beautiful tribute to live this year for him and GO to Paris and celebrate your life and all the dreams that you have for it. Never let them go…..and I cannot wait to pick up your book like I know I will one day. Love and hugs xx Millie
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- Lisa Chiodo says:
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  Hi Millie, this year is one for big change, changed habits, lifestyle, health and dreams! Paris will be the culmination yet it still seems so far away. Life keeps getting better day by day, this was one of those paradigm shift moments for me, time to start planning the next fifty years!!! xxx
Charmain Giuliani says:
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crying
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- Lisa Chiodo says:
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  I can’t read the line about him in the garden xxx
Margaret | Destination Here&Now says:
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You might not realise it Lisa but this is one of the things that draws me to your site. I come here when I can because I feel like you give ‘me’ permission to dream. And it makes me feel like I’m not alone in wanting to step outside the lovely life I have here with friends and family and reach for something else, something different, if only for a time. Artists are the worst at sabotaging themselves with self doubt. Don’t listen to that litttle voice Lisa. And don’t spend too much time comparing yourself to other writers or bloggers. Just be yourself. It’s what you do best. Reach for Paris with open arms. It doesn’t have to be a five star dream. It just has to be yours. I loved this post. x
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- Lisa Chiodo says:
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  I know this feeling Margaret, so many of my friends are dreamers. I have my go to places online and having you all here is so special. Since writing this post I’ve felt happier, with a purpose, able to relax with the family and less pressured to always be ‘doing something’ to take a little time out for me.
  
  Now the dream of Paris is out in the universe who knows what will happen, I’d love my Mum to come…shhhh just another dream lol xx
Francesca Muir says:
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I love your dreams Lisa and whether you realise it or not you are making your dreams a reality – you just need to keep believing in yourself. Put it out there MY 50th in Paris 2014 and plant the seeds now – they will grow in a form better than you could have ever imagined. You are an inspiration and I love your tenacity and courage. Ignore the inner voice. Send the invitations. Plant the seeds. They need time to grow! F xx
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- Lisa Chiodo says:
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  That tiny seed is already growing Francesca, my mum is now talking about coming which would be wonderful. We are starting to think of it as a reality now and planning towards the day. When that inner voice pipes up I tell her to get back in her box….xxxx