INSPIRATION
Saying Goodbye to Mum
Someone asked me a while ago if we were ‘Renovating Italy’ long distance.
How can I pour so much of my heart and soul into Italy when I am sitting writing in Brisbane? When are we moving abroad? I really can’t answer, it’s not that I don’t love Australia. I do with all my heart. It’s my home, the air I breathe the birthplace of our children. My home, one I am immensely proud of.
Yet there’s always that travelers cry “I want to see the world” not only see it but live it!
So I am here, longing to be there.
It’s only at this very moment that I am able to accept my life just as it is and just as it isn’t.
Others have told me that there is some reason why we are being held up from moving abroad.
Some mystical force that knows what’s coming and is keeping us here through tough family times. “See you aren’t meant to leave yet” or ” the universe has something in store for you here” which (and I mean no offense to those who have told us these comforting words) reminds me of comments like “God needed another angel” or “he was sent to teach you something” or “he wasn’t meant for this world” and I just have to agree to disagree!
The funny thing is people are telling me we’re always delayed here because of some terrible thing that is coming our way or worse heading straight for our loved ones…like Cancer or Dementia.
I really don’t believe in fate, never have and I know and love many people who do.
It’s just that I don’t.
Our son didn’t die because he was “meant to die” he died because the hospital staff were negligent in their care.
We aren’t here in Australia because our parents are now sick, we’re here because the housing market dropped and we can’t sell our house and move abroad just yet.
Nothing mystical about it.
When the market picks up and we can sell we’re off.
And that’s what’s causing me so much anguish, the thought of leaving loved ones especially aging loved ones. Especially my Mother who is almost eighty and suddenly showing it.
It was a huge shock when I visited Melbourne for my Uncle’s funeral over Christmas. Suddenly she is elderly. She is recovering from surgery and still fiercely independent, tells me I’m naughty for buying her punnets of fresh raspberries and blackberries. Won’t ever ask for help ( a bit like me) and thinks she is invincible. She isn’t and we both know it.
How can I plan and dream of a life in Italy so far away from her now when she might need me the most?
Leaving aging parents isn’t something I thought I’d have to deal with as I never thought my Mum would get old.
She is eternally young, takes classes and meets her girlfriends for coffee and a natter.
Not old, not my Mum.
There are so many things that will need to be put in place if we are to leave for Italy and leave our families behind. I’m sure many of you have been through this, or worse had something happen to a loved one when you were moving abroad.
It was always our worst fear when we were in Italy, we kept money aside for urgent travel home.
I often write about our hopes and dreams, about our love of Italy and the life we long for there.
Tonight I just had to get some of this dark side out in the open so I could step back and take a look at my blue spell up close. Start taking action, create a plan, and look at the future with my Mum here and now! Moving abroad to Italy is a huge decision and one that will affect my family left behind.
There is only this moment and this moment! So forgive me if I seem confused, a bit blue and uncertain of time frames…xxx
and the gang x
It was my dream to move to a western country, and I did it (moved to Canada). But, I could stay there only for 2 months. My parents got sick and I missed everything about my home. I just couldn’t stay longer there.
I think the decision to move or not depends on your culture and the way you are brought up.
I’ve lived with my family for 29 years. I thought that I was brave and will easily stay in Canada. But I realized that I was wrong.
I’m unemployed today(after working for 4 years), but I’m glad to be back with my parents again.
I didn’t want them to suffer while I enjoy.
I lived in Australia for 4 years where I graduated and came back to Canada to see my parents and do my internship. However, when I bring up going back to Australia to work it’s the end of the world and I have been struggling all last year and this year as to how to deal with this. This was just meant to be a long visit but now I find myself resenting my parents whom I love a lot and I don’t know how to tell them that I plan to apply for my visa latter this year…..:(
It’s so hard to be everything your parents want yet still follow your own dreams, perhaps talk with them about what it means to them that you will be so far away. Hoping you can resolve this together with your family and sending love lisa x
JK i know exactly how you feel. I have been in Australia for a nearly year and i am going to do the work towards my second year visa then try to stay out there on a sponcership. Im from England and it is just me and my mum. Its a very hard decision to make expecially when you think that you have to stay out there 5 years primarly to get citizenship. I cant bear to think about what i would do if anything were to happen to my mum in this time. Life is bittersweet! x
yes, an Englishman in love of Italy 🙂
MLxx
He sounds perfect! When you get back to Italy let me know I am part of an expat group called Italian Reflections and they are a great source of information re the ariturismo and will keep your husband in touch with England. Ciao for now lisa
Ciao Lisa, I just wanted to let you know that I love how you described your feelings, it’s really touching what you wrote, and so true.
I’m Italian and live in UK, miss my family a lot though they are only 2 hr flight away, I can imagine what it means for you leaving your Mum and go to live so far away.
I wish you good luck for your project (I wish I were so brave) and keep following you.
Love
ML
I’m sure you know exactly what I mean, it is so hard to be away from family and loved ones. I lived in the UK in my 20’s for three years, in West Sussex and that was before emails and facebook. I’m also two hours away from my Mum at the moment yet it still seems like half the world away. Where are you from in Italy? Where are you in England, there must be such big differences for you. I’m sure you are very brave!! ciao love lisa x
I’m from Rome, 7 years ago I decided to move in the countryside near Rimini where is my grandparents’ house. I really enjoyed that experience because I discovered the treasures of a fantastic inland. One year ago I eventually moved to London to live with my husband :), but we are planning to go back to Italy and start an agriturismo, another big change!
love
ML
Well you sound like wanderers just like us! Moving from Roma to the countryside would be a big change and lovely to be in your grandparents home. Sounds like you have adventures awaiting you back in Italy with the ariturismo. So is your husband English? ciao again lisa x
I understand so well what you are writing about here.. I have left and faced all those sad goodbyes that you mention and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of my family so far away. Sometimes I feel so selfish yet I do believe we must live our own lives not live for others, we make choices and they have consequences. It’s a part of life… reunion and separation… but it’s not easy…. xv
Vicki as a Mum now myself I can understand how my Mum struggled to both hold me close yet let me fly. She never let me know how much she worried when I backpacked and lived in England in my 20’s. The thought of that goodbye is something I try not to think about yet it is something we all must do. I will go through the same worries when my children are old enough to travel by themselves. Just part of life as you say. xx
Beautiful post. Just found your blog (via Carla and twitter!) and look forward to reading more.
My journey has been different from yours yet many similarities — I’ve found saying good-bye with all the back-and-forthing to get harder with time and age (parents and my own) — always painful, with associated guilt and sometimes second-guessing myself. Moving a block away from my mother in New Jersey might solve one problem but I know it would create more … . we make our choices and I think if made in good faith, we will be okay. Not free of guilt or regret, but okay. ANd sometimes joyfully so.
Cheers and all the best with your Italy dreams!
Carolyn thank you for that, Carla is a great inspiration. It was after reading “Italian Joy” that I started blogging (with the thought of one day turning it all into a book). You have certainly moved around, and I’m so sorry to hear about your first husband. When I first waved goodbye to my parents when they returned to Australia after our 10 weeks in England and Europe I had no sense of guilt it was all too exciting. Mum was much younger and without medical issues and still with her partner of 35 years. Now of course time has moved on and we have all aged and the worries and guilt have grown and changed also. I like the thought of being “okay” yes even joyfully so!
I lived in West Sussex for two years in my twenties and did a lot of backpacking. A brief time in America which I loved, and the time in the UK was incredible for a 21 year old girl from the suburbs of Melbourne. All my life I wanted to travel, I think my Mum just knows thats part of who I am.
so cheers, and best for your French dreams!!!
ciao lisa