INSPIRATION
Saying Goodbye to Mum
Someone asked me a while ago if we were ‘Renovating Italy’ long distance.
How can I pour so much of my heart and soul into Italy when I am sitting writing in Brisbane? When are we moving abroad? I really can’t answer, it’s not that I don’t love Australia. I do with all my heart. It’s my home, the air I breathe the birthplace of our children. My home, one I am immensely proud of.
Yet there’s always that travelers cry “I want to see the world” not only see it but live it!
So I am here, longing to be there.
It’s only at this very moment that I am able to accept my life just as it is and just as it isn’t.
Others have told me that there is some reason why we are being held up from moving abroad.
Some mystical force that knows what’s coming and is keeping us here through tough family times. “See you aren’t meant to leave yet” or ” the universe has something in store for you here” which (and I mean no offense to those who have told us these comforting words) reminds me of comments like “God needed another angel” or “he was sent to teach you something” or “he wasn’t meant for this world” and I just have to agree to disagree!
The funny thing is people are telling me we’re always delayed here because of some terrible thing that is coming our way or worse heading straight for our loved ones…like Cancer or Dementia.
I really don’t believe in fate, never have and I know and love many people who do.
It’s just that I don’t.
Our son didn’t die because he was “meant to die” he died because the hospital staff were negligent in their care.
We aren’t here in Australia because our parents are now sick, we’re here because the housing market dropped and we can’t sell our house and move abroad just yet.
Nothing mystical about it.
When the market picks up and we can sell we’re off.
And that’s what’s causing me so much anguish, the thought of leaving loved ones especially aging loved ones. Especially my Mother who is almost eighty and suddenly showing it.
It was a huge shock when I visited Melbourne for my Uncle’s funeral over Christmas. Suddenly she is elderly. She is recovering from surgery and still fiercely independent, tells me I’m naughty for buying her punnets of fresh raspberries and blackberries. Won’t ever ask for help ( a bit like me) and thinks she is invincible. She isn’t and we both know it.
How can I plan and dream of a life in Italy so far away from her now when she might need me the most?
Leaving aging parents isn’t something I thought I’d have to deal with as I never thought my Mum would get old.
She is eternally young, takes classes and meets her girlfriends for coffee and a natter.
Not old, not my Mum.
There are so many things that will need to be put in place if we are to leave for Italy and leave our families behind. I’m sure many of you have been through this, or worse had something happen to a loved one when you were moving abroad.
It was always our worst fear when we were in Italy, we kept money aside for urgent travel home.
I often write about our hopes and dreams, about our love of Italy and the life we long for there.
Tonight I just had to get some of this dark side out in the open so I could step back and take a look at my blue spell up close. Start taking action, create a plan, and look at the future with my Mum here and now! Moving abroad to Italy is a huge decision and one that will affect my family left behind.
There is only this moment and this moment! So forgive me if I seem confused, a bit blue and uncertain of time frames…xxx
and the gang x
Lisa that was such a beautiful honest touching blog. It touched deep within – you are very strong and brave to keep on going with your dream to travel. Sometimes things happen in life and its not till after we realise “Why” or “What” it was that happened and to help us to understand.
Life is a journey – sometimes the ride is good, sometimes the ride is a roller coaster…up and down and every which way in between!
Go with the flow, and “Be” in the moment. Take your time and you will find your way. Your dream to be in Italy is a fantastic journey, but maybe at the moment you are meant to be where you are? Mabye the universe has other ideas for you and family at the moment.
All I can say is that I love following your journey, and I love how you have kept your dream alive. Imagine how much fun you all are going to have once your dream comes true.
Wishing you all the best xxxx
Cheers
Lisa
Lisa I know you of all people understand about keeping the dream alive and following it against all odds. As many of the members of our families age it gets harder to think of leaving them behind. There is no reasoning with death, my Dad at 39, my Brother at 50 while mowing the lawn, our little boy only a day old. I know Sam worries about this as well yet we both agree to live our lives and know our family wouldn’t have it any other way. I saw a wonderful video of Oprah talking about acceptance, which really spoke to me. Here’s to all the dreamers, love lisa xx
No need to ask to be forgiven Lisa I am constantly torn being away from my parents and family but it is the life I have chosen and they understand this (although my Mum would tuck me back in the womb if she could)
So do not beat up on yourself it is wonderful that you can express what you are feeling……keep your passions alive and Italy in your heart..it will happen!
Carla x
I understand completely Lisa, just like others considering the comments.
That alone must feel as a comfort in ‘blue’ times!
In the end..you are where you are, life is what it is, no matter whether you know or not how you got where you are. There are many things we commit to whilst not knowing how to do it, whether it’s the right thing to do or where it’s gonna lead to. We do it anyway and throw our hat over the fence (think marriage? Having children? Take on a new job?)
It’s the heart that leads you moment by moment. And that’s also where your loved ones are, no matter where you are, independent of place and time. And for them knowing they have that place there in your heart, is a wonderful feeling and fundamentally all they need.
x enjoy, wherever you are
Life does put obstacles in our way. Putting things you long to do on the back burner is hard to take whichever way you look at it. This post will hit the spot for a lot of people!
I love what you wrote, because even if for different reasons, we are going through the same feelings for our moms. There are so many things I’d like to do, so many places not far from where I live that I’d like to see but that maybe would need a couple of days away from home, and projects I have in mind I’d like to start, but all these things will just have to wait. Nothing is more important to me now than staying and taking care of my mom. This includes also staying healthy myself to be able to take care of her. That’s important Lisa. I often ask myself . “What’ll happen to her if I suddenly get seriiously ill”? I’m sure she’ll manage, the Comune will take care of her, but…….iit’s ME she needs not a stranger. I know the fact that she can still live only one day or 20 years, but I want that all those moments she has left to be as precious as possible for her but for me too.Three years ago something strange happened to her: she suddenly seemed to become sort of crazy for some days and then went into a coma for 3 months and stayed in hospital for 5 months. No doctor, no specialist has ever found out why it happened, no serious illness could explain it. But then she suddenly came back to life. It was as if she was tired and needed to rest for a while. It took me months to get her back to a normal life, to recognise me (she thought I were her doctor 🙂 ) to eat, walk and think straight. But she made it after about 6 months. Just back to normal as if nothing has ever happened. After all this, I’m grateful to have her back, and I don’t even care anymore to find out why it happened. What’s important to me , my brother and our family,is that she’s still here with us to enjoy our lives together.
I still have time to do all the things I have in mind, and well………if I don’t for some mysterious reason, maybe it’s just not meant to be.
Big hugs coming your way!! XXXOOO
Sally
I hear you Lisa!! A big hug straight up. You’re very courageous to write so openly about such a tough reality. You seem so quietly determined. I really sense you digging in your heels and get you my wholehearted support and admiration. Hang on to your dream!! Keep the faith. I’m here I think, rather than there, because of my own very Sicilian sense of duty to family (which I’ve now realised is utterly overblown. I totally understand but I think you know what you have to do. Listen to that voice. The one calling you to Italy. If it’s anything like my own it won’t be quietening down any time soon. Jx
Lisa,
It is the weirdest thing. I am just writing a post about my angst and fear of succeeding in my dream of living abroad and balancing it with what I have to leave behind. Like your Mum, my mom is 82, in great shape, busy, happy and active, but none of us will live forever and we are very, very close. The other person that I must leave behind is my wonderful and amazing son. He is living , studying and working – completely independent and happy with his own life, but being far away from him is painful to think about. They have been the reason that I have taken so long to get to where I am about how to structure my “dream”. I am leaving in 3 weeks to be in Orvieto again until April and maybe beyond, but if it weren’t for my Mom and son, I would have sold everything I own and been there full time years ago. I just can’t completely cut my ties right now. I love these two people and can’t imagine not being with them part of the time. So we make concessions. I think I know how you feel. I am like you…I don’t believe in fate, but I believe in myself and the strength to keep pushing ahead and working towards what I want in life. That’s my “higher power”. Don’t ever give up – I will pull you along, if you push me forward. Hugs. toni
Hi Toni,
Just wanted to let you know how beautiful and moving your comment was for me. By some strange miracle it seems to me now, my little girl is the reason I’m not in Italy right now. But it’s so hard. So looking forward to hearing more from you from our dear Umbria.
I love my life in Italy, but I also love my life here in Brisbane, so I won’t ever live permanently in Italy. I think 6 months in each place is just about perfect. I miss my fiends when I am not here in Brisbane and there are things I love to do here that I just can’t do in Italy.
Ciao Lisa, it is ok to feel blue. I think as women and mothers we feel things very deeply…our love connections to friends, family and children can be quite overwhelming at times and it is very easy to feel the pangs of guilt because we can’t be everywhere we want and need to be at every given moment. It is natural that loved ones pull at our heart strings, even while we are yearning for new and personal adventures. So very complicated to be us sometimes! Having just lost my dad and having my mom on the opposite coast is difficult for me, I might as well be living in Italy. My kids are also growing up so fast too…sometimes I wish I could squeeze them tight to keep them little and the way they are right now. But, life just keeps moving ahead and our lives keep evolving & changing. I think our feeling “blue” is us having mini grieving spells about all these inevitable changes that we can’t control. But, then being women and resilient, after a good cry we get sunny again and learn appreciate the good things that the changes keep bringing about. Un abbraccio virtuale! 🙂
A lovely post Lisa – these are the things we think of and don’t think of all at the same time when we live abroad!! Perhaps it is just serendipity – my favourite word at the moment. Time will take it’s natural course and suddenly you will find yourself ‘there’ wherever that is and wonder how you got ‘there’! Hugs x