’She decided to start living the life she imagined…’
Last night I lay in bed thinking, about my big birthday next year and what I want to do on the day. In my mind I have been planning a huge bash in Paris somewhere overlooking the Eiffel Tower. I have already started hinting to my friends and family that this would be tres magnifique and they should start saving for a European holiday.
Then my inner version of reality kicks in.
My little voice that tells me ‘don’t’ be ridiculous’ and nobody is going to come all the way to Paris for a birthday….no edit that, I mean for MY Birthday. It is a dream that is totally out of reach and I am not worthy of such a big dream. It will cost too much, we don’t have the money, we’ll have to travel, I’m not important….my dream will be a fizzer and everybody will know.
Don’t tell anyone, if nobody knows then my grand dream can’t fail, I can’t fail.
And I let myself think this way.
I crush my own dreams, like the dream of writing a book, of having a voice, of making a difference. I’ve been taking about this dream for almost ten years. Taking one step forward and then no further, then another step and stopping, no further…gathering information, keeping notes, subscribing to writing blogs and comparing my journal to the polished finished books written by my peers. I’ve been Peer Gazing and crushing my own voice in the process.
So last night unable to sleep, gazing at the ancient beams overhead my thoughts shifted to my Brother, I was thinking that he only made it a few months past his fiftieth birthday. That right now if I were him I would only have one year to live. This exact time next year I would be in the garden finishing the weeding, packing away the lawnmower heading in for dinner, maybe whistling (I like to think of him whistling as he took those last steps).
I don’t know what dreams died unfulfilled with my brother that night, but I bet if he knew that he only had that one last year to live he would have whistled more often.
Dreams don’t need to be grand to live in our hearts, they just need to inspire us to be more than we are. My dream for our Italian life won’t happen by itself, being in Paris for my birthday won’t happen unless I decide it will, my first book will never be read unless I give up that little voice inside my head. Last night I decided to dedicate this year to my brother, to make it the best year ever, to make my life sing…..or maybe whistle.
As this is going to be the year that sings out loud, dances in the street, and culminates in Paris I’d love you to come along. Sing your own song, create a dream so big you can’t help but dance with the excitement of it, and then share it…..start here, with me, let’s do it together.
Go ahead….dare to dream x
Some French Inspiration