I didn’t write a post last week, I almost didn’t write one this week, the only thing I really want to do right now is curl up in a ball and sleep.
But I can’t…..
I can’t take time out for me right now, can’t regenerate, recuperate, re create myself, not now, not with so much to do.
I feel most days that if I just keep moving no matter how slowly things will get done.
But they don’t…..
I know when I feel this way it’s my iron levels, low blood pressure and just a touch of overwhelm,
Luca is still coughing, he’s been coughing for a month now, pneumonia they tell us but don’t tell us when he’ll be back to school, when he’ll be able to get outside, run and play without spasms of coughing that scare even him, when he’ll be back in his own bed, when life will start to head back to normal.
I almost killed us all a few nights back, such a stupid thing to do. Some small spark of heat was left in the ashes I put into the plastic bag, I put it into the metal bucket by the fireplace meaning to empty it in the morning and went to bed. In the morning the smell was so strong of bitter smoke, even with all the windows open and doors wide it still lingered. I though it was the old stuffa we use in the kitchen, my mind was already thinking of the expense to replace it. Turned out it was my bag of ash, the plastic melted and the ash caught the wicker broom inside the bucket. The whole lot smouldered all night with Carina asleep on the couch only a few meters away.
Almost a tragic lesson…..never again.
And still I smile, and struggle and some days feel a fraud, luckily it’s only some days that I feel like this.
Today is one of those days…..
I’m not an expert, I have no road map for living the simple life, moving to Italy, creating something special for our children, learning a language, creating a business, sharing my hopes and dreams, it’s been a big year for us. We are now into the second week of the second year in Italy, it feels like we just arrived, so much to learn, so many ways to stretch ourselves, expand, grow, and experience this life we are building.
I’m creating something new, I’m investing in myself, bringing together all the pieces and finding clarity. I’m working with Marie Forleo within B-School and yes it’s super challenging, exciting, and creative. I’ll keep you posted as I progress. I thought it poetic that the first day of B-School is the one year anniversary of our landing in Italy. Year Two is now eight days in and so much has changed, I feel it within myself, right to the core.
I Dare to Dream….and I’m dreaming bloody BIG!
I’m off now to start day Eight…..funnily enough I don’t feel tired anymore, I think a little walk would do me good.